Hot, Forbidden Tea Party Luurrrrve!

Finally, the long dry spell is broken! We here at TW Towers were beginning to worry that the Tea Party had finally exhausted its supply of top-drawer cheap laffs, but lo and behold, here comes this deliciously sordid item at Dlisted:

If I told you that picture was taken anywhere but L.A., you’d say, “Awww, what a sweet picture of a pepaw taking his granddaughter out for smoothies.” But that legal fetus isn’t Steven Bauer’s granddaughter, she just looks like she is.

57-year-old Steven Bauer (aka Manny the Tongue from Scarface, Don Eladio from Breaking Bad, Avi from Ray Donovan and Melanie Griffith’s second husband) has been dating 18-year-old Lyda Loudon, the leader of the Tea Party Youth Movement, for a few months and here they are leaving a restaurant in Studio City, CA yesterday. Dude probably has ass hairs that sprouted up before she was born and her face would probably turn into a giant question mark if you asked her if she’s seen Scarface...

...Fun fact: These two made their “debut as a couple” at the premiere of Woody Allen’s Magic in the Moonlight. Oh, Woody Allen, always bringing old pervs and fetuses with grandaddy issues together. ...>more

Mind you, as we're all hitting late middle age ourselves, the gang here at TW Towers aren't going to judge a guy Steve Bauer's age hooking up with some young stuff if he can get it -- but f'crissakes, couldn't an actor of his stature have found one with a little more grace, poise and class, not someone who looks like your standard-issue mall rat? Seriously, chick looks like she stepped on a rake. That's got to be the all-time greatest Resting Bitch Face we've ever seen. Who the hell's off-camera that's got her staring knives like that? Talk about nightmare fuel.

Needless to say, though, what attracted our attention was her being the leader of the Tea Party Youth Movement. Yeah, that's right, the leader of a whole new generation of neo-Bircher dead-enders and conspiracy cranks. Somehow, I think the Left has a little less to worry about now, knowing Little Miss Sunshine here is on top of things. Check it out for yourselves -- and, unlike our usual suggestion, we heartily encourage you to read the comments. It's pure comedy gold.

Tea Party group uses actors to portray Obamacare victims on TV while opposing Medicaid expansion

Greg Sargent writes at the Washington Post:

Americans for Prosperity is up with a new ad ripping Senator Landrieu over Obamacare. It features a number of people lamenting lost coverage and higher premiums. But as ABC News reports, all those folks were actors.

That would be par for the course — lots of political ads feature actors — but for one thing. The Koch-backed Americans for Prosperity is also planning to lobby state legislators hard to oppose the Medicaid expansion, which is supported by Senator Landrieu and will be debated by the state legislature this spring. Supporters say it could expand coverage to up to 300,000 people.

In short, Americans for Prosperity is up with a major TV ad buy featuring fake victims of Obamacare, while planning a major lobbying effort to block Obamacare’s benefits from reaching untold numbers of real people... >more

Press The Meat: David Gregory's Curious History of the Tea Party

Peter Hart writes at FAIR Blog:
 During his interview with Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney (11/3/13), NBC Meet the Press host David Gregory offered up this fanciful account of the Tea Party movement's origins during a discussion about internal GOP fights: 

Look, the reason there is a Tea Party right now goes back to President Bush. I actually think it goes back to the beginning of a more robust security state after 9/11; the government expands to deal with security. There's also Medicare Part D. There's a lot of government spending, and then there's ultimately the bailouts, which conservatives start to rebel against. And then President Obama continues that.

This is the kind of rhetoric Tea Party figures like to trot out when critics note that a movement that claims to be concerned about government spending was sure quiet (or nonexistent) during the Bush years... >more

Bachmann Dumbass Overdrive

Dumb Lady Saying Dumb Shit Dumbly Needs To Shut Her Dumb Pie-Hole So She Won’t Look So Damn Dumb

From our pals at Pass The Doucheys On The Right-Hand Side:

We all know Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann is a totally insane, scary-assed example of Batshit Crazy People Conservatives Think Are Fit To Govern.

She is their Evangelical Pin-Up Girl.

So what’s she up to now?

Oh, just declaring her love of the government shutdown, declaring her belief that these are indeed the End Times, and announcing that Obama can change laws just by Tweeting.

Obama is one talented motherfucker… >more

Donald Trump's Combover Just Can't Help Itself

Instant Karma's Gonna Get Ya

You know, the Boston bombing media circus just wouldn't have been complete without Donald Trump popping off:

However, Pat Robertson has been strangely silent.

Why Are Teabaggers Boycotting Fox News?

Claim Rightist Crank Network "Isn't Fair And Balanced Enough"; Brains Explode At Offices Of TW

David Freedlander reports at The Daily Beast:
Is Fox News going soft?

That is what a number of Tea Party activists are saying and they are organizing a boycott to protest the conservative station’s coverage, especially what they view as the network’s relative silence in investigating the attacks on a diplomatic mission in Benghazi, Libya.

File photo: Tea Party members in Montgomery, Ala., 2013; Sean Hannity, 2011. (Dave Martin/AP; John Amis/AP)

“Particularly after the election, Fox keeps turning to the left,” said Stan Hjerlied, 75, of Fort Collins, Colo., and a participant in the boycott. He pointed to an interview Fox News CEO Roger Ailes gave after the election in which he said that the Republican Party and Fox News need to modernize, especially around immigration. “So we are really losing our only conservative network.”

The three-day boycott lasted Thursday morning through Sunday morning, and is the second time this group of activists have gone Fox-free in an effort to steer the coverage. Organizers say a two-day boycott earlier this month knocked 20 percent off of the network’s regular viewership. (A Daily Beast analysis of the same data showed that the boycott had little effect.)

A spokeswoman for Fox News did not respond to a request for comment.

A leader of the boycott, Kathy Amidon, of Nashville, declined an interview, instead directing The Daily Beast to a website, Benghazi-Truth. The website, a single-page, 23,000-word manifesto complete with multicolored fonts, supposedly incriminating videos of Fox News’s complicity in a coverup, and communist propaganda photographs, is kept by someone who identifies himself online as “Proe Graphique,” and who other members of boycott described as someone who works “in New York media...” >more

Guns, Goons & Goofs: The Story of Dick Armey's Coup Attempt at FreedomWorks

"Dick's Army" An Entertaining FAIL

Tracy Bloom reports at Truthdig:

New reports are surfacing that former FreedomWorks Chairman Dick Armey attempted a power grab of the tea party organization before he left it. According to The Washington Post, the former House majority leader staged the “coup” in September, bringing along his wife and an aide who had a handgun holstered at his waist into the group’s Capitol Hill office. The goal: oust Armey’s enemies and retake control of FreedomWorks.

The Washington Post:
The gun-wielding assistant escorted FreedomWorks’ top two employees off the premises, while Armey suspended several others who broke down in sobs at the news.

The coup lasted all of six days. By Sept. 10, Armey was gone — with a promise of $8 million — and the five ousted employees were back. The force behind their return was Richard J. Stephenson, a reclusive Illinois millionaire who has exerted increasing control over one of Washington’s most influential conservative grass-roots organizations...

Read more

Tea Party craps pants over kids' book on anarchy

Translation from British: "Under fire from the Tea Party" means "Some crank posted a rant on the Internet"


Alison Flood reports at the UK Guardian:
The gently humorous children's book A Rule Is to Break: A Child's Guide to Anarchy, which exhorts kids to "Think for Yourself", "Give Away Stuff for Free" and "Do What You Want", has come under fire from the Tea Party.

Originally self-published, A Rule is to Break was released late last month by small San Francisco publisher Manic D Press. Written and illustrated by husband-and-wife team John Seven and Jana Christy, it follows the story of Wild Child "as she learns about just being herself and how that translates into kid autonomy". Advice includes "don't look like everybody else! Be you", and "Paint pictures on your TV! Forget about grocery stores and get dirty in your garden!"

A review in Publishers Weekly suggested that "even adult readers taken aback by lines like 'when someone says 'Work!', you say Why?' and 'No baths ever again!' will be able to get behind suggestions to 'Educate yourself. Use your brain' and "Listen to the tiniest voice'", calling the book "the softer side of anarchy, with an emphasis on fun and independence, but also community and kindness".

But a write-up from Tea Party publication the Liberty News Network condemned the book as "downright shocking"... >more

Post-Election Teabagger Tantrum Roundup

 

Make Good on Threats of Layoffs; Blame Obama

Well, at last the "election" is over and, despite Obama being pretty much the same as Romney except for minor differences on uteruses, Teabagger businessmen all over the country have followed through on their threats to lay off workers if Obama was re-elected, blaming the Evil Secret Muslim Kenyan Usurper Devil Baby and his insidious socialist Obamacare and his evil, tree-hugging War On Coal™. Oh, noes! Somebody call the waaahhhhhm-bulance!

Still, you have to give them credit; they actually made good on their threats, unlike the legions of whining Hollywood Liberals who threatened to move to Canada if a Republican was elected.
So, now, on with the carnage:

After Obama Re-election, Murray Energy CEO Reads Prayer, Announces Layoffs (Washington Post):
For the chairman and chief executive of Murray Energy, an Ohio-based coal company, the reelection of President Obama was no cause for celebration. It was a time for prayer — and layoffs.

Robert E. Murray read a prayer to a group of company staff members on the day after the election, lamenting the direction of the country and asking: “Lord, please forgive me and anyone with me in Murray Energy Corp. for the decisions that we are now forced to make to preserve the very existence of any of the enterprises that you have helped us build...”

Vegas Employer: Obama Won, So I Fired 22 Employees (KXNT/CBS Radio, Las Vegas):
A Las Vegas business owner with 114 employees fired 22 workers today, apparently as a direct result of President Obama’s re-election.

“David” (he asked to remain anonymous for obvious reasons) told Host Kevin Wall on 100.5 KXNT that “elections have consequences” and that “at the end of the day, I need to survive...”

...and, saving the best for last:

Virginia Store Closes For A Day to "Mourn The Loss Of America" (Washington Times):
Virginia's 13 electoral votes went to President Obama for the second straight election, and the proprietor of a store in the south central city of Bedford is not hiding his dismay.

Lyons Jewelers hung up multiple signs on the windows of the shop indicating the shop would not be open for business Wednesday, including one saying the store was closed to "mourn the loss of the America that our forefathers endowed to us," WDBJ reported.

"Lyons will reopen tomorrow to continue the fight against a president who seeks my demise" and "Shame on VA & USA" read two other signs.

Another played off a remark Mr. Obama made while campaigning in Roanoke earlier this year about businesses and government assistance that Republicans latched onto as a campaign theme: "I know I didn't build this — God did."

Teabaggers Release Racist Campaign Ad Starring "Obama Phone" Woman

Crooked-Assed Former Ohio Secretary Of State Declares "This Is The October Surprise"

Fox Nation Reports:

Super PAC Tea Party Victory Fund is using the "Obama Phone" lady in a new Ohio swing-state aimed ad.

The pitch for the video, which asks donors for help in spreading the video in the state, is written by the Fund's chairman Ken Blackwell, Ohio's former secretary of state, via SLATE:

This is it-- this is the October surprise. We just need to get this ad on television today. Will you help us?

This commercial is a microcosm of the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Republicans want to create an environment where free people make their own choices and pursue their dreams. President Obama and the Democrats want to create a dependency on Government that ensures that Americans will continue to rely on Washington from cradle to grave.

What this lady said is so offensive because it's so blatant--she finally comes out and says what we all know that the Democrats really think. That's why this ad is so damaging to the President here in Ohio.

Let me tell you something, I'm from Ohio -- I was elected statewide as the Secretary of State, and Ohio State Treasurer--this ad is effective. If swing voters in this state see this ad, they simply will not support President Obama, and he will lose Ohio.

.

And, just to refresh your memories -- and for even more cheap laffs -- here's the original Obama Phone Woman footage in its orignial context:

 

Happy Belated Fourth, Everybody!

Can We Wave The Flag Too Much?
 

George Hutchins is running for Congress again -- no, really, seriously

Remember George Hutchins, the North Carolina Teabagger who posted The Funniest Campaign Web Site Ever? Well, he's running for Congress again. No, really, seriously. Here he is being interviewed by Adam Kokesh And His Slightly Tight Tank Top. Those of you whose long-term memories go back before the last "election" will remember Adam "Kotex" Kokesh as one of the co-founders of Iraq Veterans Against The War, marching alongside the likes of Cindy Sheehan and Code Pink -- until Kokesh suddenly veered hard to the right, into the Paultard Lane. Kokesh was later famous for his program "Adam Vs. The Man" which ran for a time on the Russia Today channel until it was booted for doing Ron Paul fundraising on the air -- on-air political fundraising on a TV network run by a foreign government being the huge no-no that it is.

So, Adam And His Slightly Tight Tank Top Vs. The Man is currently relegated to YouTube, where it's doing a slow fade -- except for occasional flashes of entertaining brilliance, such as this:

 

Fun, fun, fun! Beach Boys singer calls Obama "Socialist Asshole"

TMZ Reports:
Americans will be "f**ked" if Barack Obama gets re-elected ... this according to Beach Boys singer Bruce Johnston.

Bruce was signing autographs for fans in New York yesterday when the conversation turned political.

"Obama's an a**hole, "Johnston says ... adding, "Unless you're interested in never having any money and being socialized."

But Johnston was an equal opportunity disser -- saying, "And who's the Republican a**hole?"

"Our guy isn't any good."

He continued, "You got Reagan and Tip O'Neill ... those are the last two good guys."

"Wait 'til Obama doesnt have to try anymore," Bruce added ... "you're f**ked." ...>video here

HYPOCRISY ALERT: House Teabaggers Want Earmarks Back

Jay Sherman and Jonathan Allen report at Politico:
Hypocrisy alert: House Republican freshmen are begging their leaders to bring back a certain type of earmark so that they can help companies back home in an election year.

In a letter to Speaker John Boehner and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, 65 House Republican freshmen — or roughly three-quarters of the class — asked that the House consider a miscellaneous tariff bill jampacked with special provisions to suspend duties on various foreign goods, even though it runs counter to the earmark ban Republicans campaigned on in 2010 and instituted when they took power.

The push is a sign that freshmen who arrived in Washington talking up their anti-pork principles are now worried about what — if anything — they’ll have to show constituents when they hit the campaign trail. And, in typical Washington fashion, they think they’ve found a loophole that will get them past the ban... >more

Gingrich Campaign Jumps Shark With New TV Spot

"Last Conservative Standing" campaign ad is video equivalent of gory highway accident that you can't help slowing down to take a look at



Honestly, we really really couldn't take our eyes off this. We had misgivings and hesitated to play it at first, but once it started rolling, we were spellbound with a perverse awe. If we could establish a George Hutchins Award for wretched, smarmy campaign advertising, we'd give the inaugural award to this ad. It's got everything and then some, and the music -- oh, that beat-to-death treacly piano music -- really ties it all together.

It's stuff like this that made us abandon all hope for this country, and to dedicate ourselves to doing whatever small things we could do, ourselves, to speed its collapse. C'mon, just look at this motley trash: you've got your frat bro making little flourishing gestures he learned from watching pundits on TV; you've got your pasty fat soccer mom; you've got your grumbly-voiced Teabagger posing in front of the flag on his lawn; you've got your College Republican groupie chick; you've got your doughy teenaged brat camped in his bedroom, slouched in the glow of a monitor; basically, you've got the Real America -- not the loving, diverse, rainbow-hued I Too Sing America of addled Liberal fantasies, but the real, honest-to-Dog, SUV-driving, KFC-fattened, Our Troops-supporting, torture-loving, yellow ribbon-encrusted, rock-stupid Real Goddamn' America. Tough shit, Liberals; this is the way it is.

Teabagger Of The Day

Arizona Crank Nabs First Award Of '12 "Election" Season


Axel Grease reports at Mock, Paper, Scissors:
You can rest assured that between now and November our amigos from the Nestea-set will say, enact, produce, legislate and just fart out some of the most insane and ridiculous stuff since Mitt Romney added an elevator for his wife’s 378 Cadillacs.

Today’s Winner – Arizona State Senator Judy Burges, a Republican (what else!) from Skull Valley, AZ!

Ms. (a term I use loosely) Burges is pushing a bill in Arizona (which is quickly surpassing Oklahoma as the state with the most insane and fascist legislators) that will “wipe out any environmental program administered or funded by the government to prevent social engineering … including where we live, what we eat.” ...more

PR Director for San Diego Teabaggers Busted for Kidnapping and Rape

...as they accuse Occupy Wall Street of being rapists

Sarah Jones reports at PoliticsUSA:

Don’t tread on me? It is confirmed today that it was Tea Party leader Michael Kobulnicky who was arrested Thursday in San Diego for the alleged brutal kidnapping and rape of a 56 year old woman.

According to East County Magazine, Michael John Kobulnicky is accused of offering a woman a ride on February 25, but instead of taking her home, he drove to secluded island, pulled the victim out of the vehicle, sexually assaulted her, and left her in the sand. San Diego Police Lt. Andra Brown said, “He dragged her out of the car and sexually assaulted her pretty brutally.”

Kobulnicky, the public relations director for the San Diego Tea Party, is also the former regional director of the Southern California Conservative Party.

According to his Facebook Page, the divorced father of five was engaged and planning on getting married in April. He also writes, “I am one of the leaders of the San Diego Tea Party and I am the Public Relations representative and leader of our media team. I am also in charge of recruiting new members….Mr. Kobulnicky cherishes our Constitution and values the sacred freedoms we have unlike all other countries! His passion is to educate youth and adults concerning the Constitution and other topics and to motivate people to take action and protect our Constitution, country, and our American way of life...” >more

Va. Teabagger Senate Candidate Hosts Fundraiser at Shooting Range

It's $500 a pop to attend, so save up your Ameros, folks

Virginia candidate for US Senate, Jamie Radtke, has had the novel idea of pandering to her "base" by holding a fundraiser -- the "Shoot For Liberty" -- at a nearby shooting range on February 17th and 18th. What could possibly go wrong here?


Blast from your past: 04.19.10: Area Gun Nuts Infest DC, Nearby Virginia Parks

CPAC 2012 Occupied!

...and that was only the beginning!

OCCUPY CPAC! from Wespennest on Vimeo.

Daryle Lamont Jenkins reports at One People's Project:
It was only a matter of time, although we are amazed it took this long, that the nonsense coming from the right at the Conservative Political Action Conference would get the attention of those that have just about had enough of this crap.

For the first time in the entire 39-year history of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), a major protest, spearheaded by the Occupy movement, was held in opposition to the event being held at the Marriot Wardman Hotel, which has been plagued with a low morale among attendees and the embracing of open white supremacists who organized and participated in workshop alongside Republican elected officials as well as served as CPAC co-sponsors. It is a marked development for an event that over the past four years has increasingly the go-to event for the conservative sensationalists and hatemongers that threaten the growth of the Republican Party and conservatism overall...

Falling Behind, Bachmann Struggles to Stay Relevant

Former Baby Mill Operator Just About Aced Out of GOP Field; Still Manages to Snag Commercial Endorsement Deal

via FAILblog.