Guns, Goons & Goofs: The Story of Dick Armey's Coup Attempt at FreedomWorks

"Dick's Army" An Entertaining FAIL

Tracy Bloom reports at Truthdig:

New reports are surfacing that former FreedomWorks Chairman Dick Armey attempted a power grab of the tea party organization before he left it. According to The Washington Post, the former House majority leader staged the “coup” in September, bringing along his wife and an aide who had a handgun holstered at his waist into the group’s Capitol Hill office. The goal: oust Armey’s enemies and retake control of FreedomWorks.
The Washington Post:
The gun-wielding assistant escorted FreedomWorks’ top two employees off the premises, while Armey suspended several others who broke down in sobs at the news.
The coup lasted all of six days. By Sept. 10, Armey was gone — with a promise of $8 million — and the five ousted employees were back. The force behind their return was Richard J. Stephenson, a reclusive Illinois millionaire who has exerted increasing control over one of Washington’s most influential conservative grass-roots organizations...
Read more


Tea Party craps pants over kids' book on anarchy

Translation from British: "Under fire from the Tea Party" means "Some crank posted a rant on the Internet"

Alison Flood reports at the UK Guardian:
The gently humorous children's book A Rule Is to Break: A Child's Guide to Anarchy, which exhorts kids to "Think for Yourself", "Give Away Stuff for Free" and "Do What You Want", has come under fire from the Tea Party.

Originally self-published, A Rule is to Break was released late last month by small San Francisco publisher Manic D Press. Written and illustrated by husband-and-wife team John Seven and Jana Christy, it follows the story of Wild Child "as she learns about just being herself and how that translates into kid autonomy". Advice includes "don't look like everybody else! Be you", and "Paint pictures on your TV! Forget about grocery stores and get dirty in your garden!"

A review in Publishers Weekly suggested that "even adult readers taken aback by lines like 'when someone says 'Work!', you say Why?' and 'No baths ever again!' will be able to get behind suggestions to 'Educate yourself. Use your brain' and "Listen to the tiniest voice'", calling the book "the softer side of anarchy, with an emphasis on fun and independence, but also community and kindness".

But a write-up from Tea Party publication the Liberty News Network condemned the book as "downright shocking"... >more


Post-Election Teabagger Tantrum Roundup


Make Good on Threats of Layoffs; Blame Obama

Well, at last the "election" is over and, despite Obama being pretty much the same as Romney except for minor differences on uteruses, Teabagger businessmen all over the country have followed through on their threats to lay off workers if Obama was re-elected, blaming the Evil Secret Muslim Kenyan Usurper Devil Baby and his insidious socialist Obamacare and his evil, tree-hugging War On Coal™. Oh, noes! Somebody call the waaahhhhhm-bulance!

Still, you have to give them credit; they actually made good on their threats, unlike the legions of whining Hollywood Liberals who threatened to move to Canada if a Republican was elected.
So, now, on with the carnage:

After Obama Re-election, Murray Energy CEO Reads Prayer, Announces Layoffs (Washington Post):
For the chairman and chief executive of Murray Energy, an Ohio-based coal company, the reelection of President Obama was no cause for celebration. It was a time for prayer — and layoffs.

Robert E. Murray read a prayer to a group of company staff members on the day after the election, lamenting the direction of the country and asking: “Lord, please forgive me and anyone with me in Murray Energy Corp. for the decisions that we are now forced to make to preserve the very existence of any of the enterprises that you have helped us build...”

Vegas Employer: Obama Won, So I Fired 22 Employees (KXNT/CBS Radio, Las Vegas):
A Las Vegas business owner with 114 employees fired 22 workers today, apparently as a direct result of President Obama’s re-election.

“David” (he asked to remain anonymous for obvious reasons) told Host Kevin Wall on 100.5 KXNT that “elections have consequences” and that “at the end of the day, I need to survive...”

...and, saving the best for last:

Virginia Store Closes For A Day to "Mourn The Loss Of America" (Washington Times):
Virginia's 13 electoral votes went to President Obama for the second straight election, and the proprietor of a store in the south central city of Bedford is not hiding his dismay.

Lyons Jewelers hung up multiple signs on the windows of the shop indicating the shop would not be open for business Wednesday, including one saying the store was closed to "mourn the loss of the America that our forefathers endowed to us," WDBJ reported.

"Lyons will reopen tomorrow to continue the fight against a president who seeks my demise" and "Shame on VA & USA" read two other signs.

Another played off a remark Mr. Obama made while campaigning in Roanoke earlier this year about businesses and government assistance that Republicans latched onto as a campaign theme: "I know I didn't build this — God did."


Teabaggers Release Racist Campaign Ad Starring "Obama Phone" Woman

Crooked-Assed Former Ohio Secretary Of State Declares "This Is The October Surprise"

Fox Nation Reports:

Super PAC Tea Party Victory Fund is using the "Obama Phone" lady in a new Ohio swing-state aimed ad.

The pitch for the video, which asks donors for help in spreading the video in the state, is written by the Fund's chairman Ken Blackwell, Ohio's former secretary of state, via SLATE:

This is it-- this is the October surprise. We just need to get this ad on television today. Will you help us?

This commercial is a microcosm of the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Republicans want to create an environment where free people make their own choices and pursue their dreams. President Obama and the Democrats want to create a dependency on Government that ensures that Americans will continue to rely on Washington from cradle to grave.

What this lady said is so offensive because it's so blatant--she finally comes out and says what we all know that the Democrats really think. That's why this ad is so damaging to the President here in Ohio.

Let me tell you something, I'm from Ohio -- I was elected statewide as the Secretary of State, and Ohio State Treasurer--this ad is effective. If swing voters in this state see this ad, they simply will not support President Obama, and he will lose Ohio.


And, just to refresh your memories -- and for even more cheap laffs -- here's the original Obama Phone Woman footage in its orignial context:



Megadeth MegaFAIL

Megadeth Frontman Dave Mustaine Sails Off Edge Of Earth, Claims Obama Staged Colorado, Wisconsin Shootings to Push Gun Bans

Marah Eakin reports at The Onion A.V. Club Newswire (not a parody):
After sort-of endorsing Rick Santorum and aligning himself with the "birther" viewpoint earlier this year, notoriously conservative Dave Mustaine is speaking out against President Obama again. This time, the Megadeth frontman and Rock ‘N’ Jock softball player has accused Obama of “staging” the shootings in Aurora, Colorado and at the Sikh Temple in Wisconsin, all so that he could “pass a gun ban.”

In the speech, which he made last week between songs at a Megadeth show in Singapore, Mustaine says that Obama is trying to turn the U.S. into “Nazi America,” and that if things keep going the way they’ve been going, he’s going to be forced to move away. After a heckler shouts out in opposition, Mustaine chastises him, saying, “Did you guys pay to listen to him or me?” Luckily for Mustaine, being a total idiot shitbag is not one of the offenses punishable by caning in Singapore.


George Hutchins is running for Congress again -- no, really, seriously

Remember George Hutchins, the North Carolina Teabagger who posted The Funniest Campaign Web Site Ever? Well, he's running for Congress again. No, really, seriously. Here he is being interviewed by Adam Kokesh And His Slightly Tight Tank Top. Those of you whose long-term memories go back before the last "election" will remember Adam "Kotex" Kokesh as one of the co-founders of Iraq Veterans Against The War, marching alongside the likes of Cindy Sheehan and Code Pink -- until Kokesh suddenly veered hard to the right, into the Paultard Lane. Kokesh was later famous for his program "Adam Vs. The Man" which ran for a time on the Russia Today channel until it was booted for doing Ron Paul fundraising on the air -- on-air political fundraising on a TV network run by a foreign government being the huge no-no that it is.

So, Adam And His Slightly Tight Tank Top Vs. The Man is currently relegated to YouTube, where it's doing a slow fade -- except for occasional flashes of entertaining brilliance, such as this:



Glorification FAIL: Hideous $3999.95 Portrait of Andrew Breitbart Revealed as Fraud

Third-rate Photoshop Mashup Lifted Imagery From "Assassin's Creed" Computer Game

Wonkette reports:
 So, you know that painting by David Bugnon of Dead Guy Andrew Breitbart as a Teutonic Knight in Heaven, ready to take on commies, liberal scumbags, and innocent Department of Agriculture employees from beyond the grave? You know, the painting that one actual professional art critic called a “masterpiece of Outsider art, a veritable holocaust-tsunami of bad taste?” The painting that Patriot Depot is selling reproductions of for the bargain price of a mere $3999.95 for a limited-edition 36″ x 48″ giclee on canvas? The painting which The Patriot Update bravely calls, “The Painting Obama Fears?” Yeah, it’s not so much a painting as a Photoshop mashup of a stock photo of Andrew Breitbart and a character from the copyrighted computer game Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, with a pretty sunset-and-clouds background that probably also came from some stock photo website — no doubt somebody will find that soon, too. ...>more

...and don't forget to check out this newly-released tributed to David Bugnon by our comrade Mike Flugennock!


Fun, fun, fun! Beach Boys singer calls Obama "Socialist Asshole"

TMZ Reports:
Americans will be "f**ked" if Barack Obama gets re-elected ... this according to Beach Boys singer Bruce Johnston.

Bruce was signing autographs for fans in New York yesterday when the conversation turned political.

"Obama's an a**hole, "Johnston says ... adding, "Unless you're interested in never having any money and being socialized."

But Johnston was an equal opportunity disser -- saying, "And who's the Republican a**hole?"

"Our guy isn't any good."

He continued, "You got Reagan and Tip O'Neill ... those are the last two good guys."

"Wait 'til Obama doesnt have to try anymore," Bruce added ... "you're f**ked." ...>video here


HYPOCRISY ALERT: House Teabaggers Want Earmarks Back

Jay Sherman and Jonathan Allen report at Politico:
Hypocrisy alert: House Republican freshmen are begging their leaders to bring back a certain type of earmark so that they can help companies back home in an election year.

In a letter to Speaker John Boehner and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, 65 House Republican freshmen — or roughly three-quarters of the class — asked that the House consider a miscellaneous tariff bill jampacked with special provisions to suspend duties on various foreign goods, even though it runs counter to the earmark ban Republicans campaigned on in 2010 and instituted when they took power.

The push is a sign that freshmen who arrived in Washington talking up their anti-pork principles are now worried about what — if anything — they’ll have to show constituents when they hit the campaign trail. And, in typical Washington fashion, they think they’ve found a loophole that will get them past the ban... >more


Gingrich Campaign Jumps Shark With New TV Spot

"Last Conservative Standing" campaign ad is video equivalent of gory highway accident that you can't help slowing down to take a look at

Honestly, we really really couldn't take our eyes off this. We had misgivings and hesitated to play it at first, but once it started rolling, we were spellbound with a perverse awe. If we could establish a George Hutchins Award for wretched, smarmy campaign advertising, we'd give the inaugural award to this ad. It's got everything and then some, and the music -- oh, that beat-to-death treacly piano music -- really ties it all together.

It's stuff like this that made us abandon all hope for this country, and to dedicate ourselves to doing whatever small things we could do, ourselves, to speed its collapse. C'mon, just look at this motley trash: you've got your frat bro making little flourishing gestures he learned from watching pundits on TV; you've got your pasty fat soccer mom; you've got your grumbly-voiced Teabagger posing in front of the flag on his lawn; you've got your College Republican groupie chick; you've got your doughy teenaged brat camped in his bedroom, slouched in the glow of a monitor; basically, you've got the Real America -- not the loving, diverse, rainbow-hued I Too Sing America of addled Liberal fantasies, but the real, honest-to-Dog, SUV-driving, KFC-fattened, Our Troops-supporting, torture-loving, yellow ribbon-encrusted, rock-stupid Real Goddamn' America. Tough shit, Liberals; this is the way it is.


Teabagger Of The Day

Arizona Crank Nabs First Award Of '12 "Election" Season

Axel Grease reports at Mock, Paper, Scissors:
You can rest assured that between now and November our amigos from the Nestea-set will say, enact, produce, legislate and just fart out some of the most insane and ridiculous stuff since Mitt Romney added an elevator for his wife’s 378 Cadillacs.

Today’s Winner – Arizona State Senator Judy Burges, a Republican (what else!) from Skull Valley, AZ!

Ms. (a term I use loosely) Burges is pushing a bill in Arizona (which is quickly surpassing Oklahoma as the state with the most insane and fascist legislators) that will “wipe out any environmental program administered or funded by the government to prevent social engineering … including where we live, what we eat.” ...more


PR Director for San Diego Teabaggers Busted for Kidnapping and Rape

...as they accuse Occupy Wall Street of being rapists

Sarah Jones
reports at PoliticsUSA:

Don’t tread on me? It is confirmed today that it was Tea Party leader Michael Kobulnicky who was arrested Thursday in San Diego for the alleged brutal kidnapping and rape of a 56 year old woman.

According to East County Magazine, Michael John Kobulnicky is accused of offering a woman a ride on February 25, but instead of taking her home, he drove to secluded island, pulled the victim out of the vehicle, sexually assaulted her, and left her in the sand. San Diego Police Lt. Andra Brown said, “He dragged her out of the car and sexually assaulted her pretty brutally.”

Kobulnicky, the public relations director for the San Diego Tea Party, is also the former regional director of the Southern California Conservative Party.

According to his Facebook Page, the divorced father of five was engaged and planning on getting married in April. He also writes, “I am one of the leaders of the San Diego Tea Party and I am the Public Relations representative and leader of our media team. I am also in charge of recruiting new members….Mr. Kobulnicky cherishes our Constitution and values the sacred freedoms we have unlike all other countries! His passion is to educate youth and adults concerning the Constitution and other topics and to motivate people to take action and protect our Constitution, country, and our American way of life...” >more


via Regretsy: TRAGICRAFTING!

The Hastily-Conceived Andrew Breitbart Edition

What time is it? TIME TO HEAL, ASSHOLES!



IT'S THE BIG "--30--" FOR

And now, here's our own special video tribute to this titan of American journalism:


Va. Teabagger Senate Candidate Hosts Fundraiser at Shooting Range

It's $500 a pop to attend, so save up your Ameros, folks

Virginia candidate for US Senate, Jamie Radtke, has had the novel idea of pandering to her "base" by holding a fundraiser -- the "Shoot For Liberty" -- at a nearby shooting range on February 17th and 18th. What could possibly go wrong here?

Blast from your past: 04.19.10: Area Gun Nuts Infest DC, Nearby Virginia Parks


CPAC 2012 Occupied!

...and that was only the beginning!

OCCUPY CPAC! from Wespennest on Vimeo.

Daryle Lamont Jenkins reports at One People's Project:
It was only a matter of time, although we are amazed it took this long, that the nonsense coming from the right at the Conservative Political Action Conference would get the attention of those that have just about had enough of this crap.

For the first time in the entire 39-year history of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), a major protest, spearheaded by the Occupy movement, was held in opposition to the event being held at the Marriot Wardman Hotel, which has been plagued with a low morale among attendees and the embracing of open white supremacists who organized and participated in workshop alongside Republican elected officials as well as served as CPAC co-sponsors. It is a marked development for an event that over the past four years has increasingly the go-to event for the conservative sensationalists and hatemongers that threaten the growth of the Republican Party and conservatism overall...


Florida: The Final Frontier

These are the voyages of the Starship Teabag...

"When they found me they had no model to put me back together..."

More of this zaniness courtesy of our friends at Mock, Paper, Scissors...


Chuck Norris Endorses Gingrich for President

Newt didn't go looking for Chuck Norris' endorsement -- it came looking for him.

Hollywood roundhouse-kicker Chuck Norris writes at WeirdNet Daily:

Our republic as America’s founders created it is under assault from extremists outside our country and anti-constitutionalists inside our country. Combined with the flailing American economy and global markets, Western civilization remains on the brink, as experts and all the GOP presidential candidates agree.

President Obama has tried and failed miserably to fix our economy, deepening us and our posterity into more than $6 trillion in additional national debt – something he criticized former President Bush for as “unpatriotic” and “irresponsible.” Yet unemployment rates remain at higher levels than when Obama was elected, and the dollar is as unstable as the Middle East.

As important as it is, now is not the time to be mincing through minutiae and infighting via typical partisan battles. Rome is burning, and we need to appoint the best firemen possible to rush in and put out her fury. What’s critical at this point is to appoint a commander in chief who can clearly lead America to a more solvent and secure future. ...>more, if you dare


"Pimp Daddy" O'Keefe Could Land Allies in Prison for Voter Fraud Stunt

MORE IRONY THAN WE CAN STAND DEPT: Party Responsible for Widespread Vote Fraud Pisses and Moans Loudest About Voter Fraud, Commits Vote Fraud to Prove Necessity for Skanky "Voter ID" Laws

Joan McCarter reports at Daily Kos:
James O'Keefe, conservative "film-maker," has another hobby-horse: voter fraud. You never saw that one coming, right? Anyway, in an attempt to prove that voter fraud could exist, O'Keefe had some lackeys actually commit fraud, and face potential criminal charges. They got ballots under the names of dead people to try to prove voter ID laws were necessary... >more


Falling Behind, Bachmann Struggles to Stay Relevant

Former Baby Mill Operator Just About Aced Out of GOP Field; Still Manages to Snag Commercial Endorsement Deal

via FAILblog.


Batshit Bachmann Breaks The Goofy Meter Again

GOP Presidential Hopeful Beats Lame Euphemism "Job Creators" to Death, Hangs "Socialist" Tag on Wall Street Stooge

As per usual, the Washington Times bends over backwards to give right-wing nutcakes all the space they need to bloviate until the cows come home. Here's GOP freak-show exhibit Michele Bachmann spewing onto the Times' op-ed pages:

I have often been criticized for saying that I could turn around the U.S. economy in just a few short months. That is not blind optimism talking, but rather the realization that the biggest impediment to true economic recovery has been the signal President Obama’s policies have been sending to the key audience for recovery, the job creators. Should I be fortunate enough to be elected by the American people to serve as president of the United States, I will have an ambitious agenda in the first 100 days that will send a signal to our country’s job creators and to the world that the days of socialist policies are over, that our free market is once again open for business and that we will once again lead the world as the true exceptional nation.

Maa-aan, you could play a drinking game with this column. Eyes not burning yet? Well, all-righty, then... >more