Florida: The Final Frontier

These are the voyages of the Starship Teabag...

"When they found me they had no model to put me back together..."

More of this zaniness courtesy of our friends at Mock, Paper, Scissors...

Last Surviving Tea Party Candidate Meets Dumbest SNL Cast Member Ever

Via Winning At Everything:

Chuck Norris Endorses Gingrich for President

Newt didn't go looking for Chuck Norris' endorsement -- it came looking for him.

Hollywood roundhouse-kicker Chuck Norris writes at WeirdNet Daily:

Our republic as America’s founders created it is under assault from extremists outside our country and anti-constitutionalists inside our country. Combined with the flailing American economy and global markets, Western civilization remains on the brink, as experts and all the GOP presidential candidates agree.

President Obama has tried and failed miserably to fix our economy, deepening us and our posterity into more than $6 trillion in additional national debt – something he criticized former President Bush for as “unpatriotic” and “irresponsible.” Yet unemployment rates remain at higher levels than when Obama was elected, and the dollar is as unstable as the Middle East.

As important as it is, now is not the time to be mincing through minutiae and infighting via typical partisan battles. Rome is burning, and we need to appoint the best firemen possible to rush in and put out her fury. What’s critical at this point is to appoint a commander in chief who can clearly lead America to a more solvent and secure future. ...>more, if you dare

"Pimp Daddy" O'Keefe Could Land Allies in Prison for Voter Fraud Stunt

MORE IRONY THAN WE CAN STAND DEPT: Party Responsible for Widespread Vote Fraud Pisses and Moans Loudest About Voter Fraud, Commits Vote Fraud to Prove Necessity for Skanky "Voter ID" Laws

Joan McCarter reports at Daily Kos:
James O'Keefe, conservative "film-maker," has another hobby-horse: voter fraud. You never saw that one coming, right? Anyway, in an attempt to prove that voter fraud could exist, O'Keefe had some lackeys actually commit fraud, and face potential criminal charges. They got ballots under the names of dead people to try to prove voter ID laws were necessary... >more

Falling Behind, Bachmann Struggles to Stay Relevant

Former Baby Mill Operator Just About Aced Out of GOP Field; Still Manages to Snag Commercial Endorsement Deal

via FAILblog.

Batshit Bachmann Breaks The Goofy Meter Again

GOP Presidential Hopeful Beats Lame Euphemism "Job Creators" to Death, Hangs "Socialist" Tag on Wall Street Stooge

As per usual, the Washington Times bends over backwards to give right-wing nutcakes all the space they need to bloviate until the cows come home. Here's GOP freak-show exhibit Michele Bachmann spewing onto the Times' op-ed pages:

I have often been criticized for saying that I could turn around the U.S. economy in just a few short months. That is not blind optimism talking, but rather the realization that the biggest impediment to true economic recovery has been the signal President Obama’s policies have been sending to the key audience for recovery, the job creators. Should I be fortunate enough to be elected by the American people to serve as president of the United States, I will have an ambitious agenda in the first 100 days that will send a signal to our country’s job creators and to the world that the days of socialist policies are over, that our free market is once again open for business and that we will once again lead the world as the true exceptional nation.

Maa-aan, you could play a drinking game with this column. Eyes not burning yet? Well, all-righty, then... >more